NOVEMBER

What’s Going On this Month Social Pressures - What to Do - What to Avoid Academic Pressures - What to Do - What to Avoid Responsive Programming Activities in Residence

What’s Going On this Month:

This month, when the weather is generally cold and wet, students are facing the added pressures of holiday exams. Some roommate issues may still be a concern, while a mix of excitement and apprehension about the holiday season may be beginning. Since the weather is forcing people to stay indoors more, roommate and floor conflicts may be more frequent. The residents’ councils are busy organizing fun social activities such as holiday formals and other celebratory events. Also, first term marks may be coming in at this time, and some students may be alarmed at how low their marks seem compared to what they were in high school. Some students may begin to question their ability to stay in university.

Additional challenges faced by students this month include:

• the build-up of academic pressure because of procrastination, difficulty of work, lack of sleep, etc.
• depression and anxiety due to the worry that they should have adjusted to university life by now, or that they don’t fit in yet
• economic anxiety; funds from parents, summer earnings and loans begin to run out, especially as the pressure of holiday season purchasing begins
• increased alcohol consumption
• floor disagreements
• loneliness, November blues
• students not attending to health and becoming physically worn down
• mid-term exams continue; some students are preparing for half-course final exams

Academic Pressures:

Within a few weeks of classes, students can become somewhat overwhelmed and wonder if they can meet the challenges of university work. This is alarming for them. You may receive late-night phone calls and worry about your child’s ability to cope. What you may not realize is that these calls are an early alert that university kids send out when they feel overwhelmed by the work and have yet to settle into a reasonable study schedule. For many university students, their first C comes in their first semester at university and it shakes their confidence in their abilities. What do they do? Call home, of course. Your child still sees home as a haven in a scary new world, although he or she will rarely want advice on how to manage studies more efficiently. Students really want reassurance that they are loved, regardless of how well they do in university.

What to Do :

• Reassure your child that you have confidence in him or her: “This must be really upsetting for you, but I know you’ve tackled tough situations before and managed to figure out what you need to do."
• Ask “leading” questions that help him or her come up with a solution: “Have you thought about what you could do to learn to write an essay that is closer to what your professor is looking for?”
• Ask if a follow-up call would be helpful in a day or so.
• Remind yourself that this is transitory, a natural part of the adjustment process.
• Have faith in your child’s ability to cope.
• Call a friend with a university-aged child and commiserate. It helps to talk to someone who is going through the same experience.

What to Avoid :

• Solving the problem for your child.
• Getting into an argument about whether the professor really stinks.
• Offering advice before you have finished listening to the emotional issues.
• Letting yourself be alarmed by a relatively insignificant issue.

Social Pressures:

Social adjustment in the first few months of university can be hard, especially if your child is a bit shy. It’s difficult for some students to leave behind close high school friends and start all over. For many new university students, the social group consists of roommates and others living in their residence hall. It’s challenging to find new friends while students are trying to adjust to so many changes, especially when they feel homesick for old friends.

Even the most socially skilled students go through adjustments when they arrive at university and have to make new friends. Many students who appear well-adjusted socially actually have a hard time fitting into the university social scene. Although social adjustment is one of the biggest challenges for new students, most find a niche for themselves eventually...There are many ways to fit in at university, but students have to be assertive in seeking out alternative avenues for social life: for example, joining clubs, getting involved in volunteer work, signing up for an intramural team, working on the school newspaper, or going to movies or concerts with hall mates.

It’s common for students to feel as if everyone else is happy and well-adjusted socially, while they feel awkward and out of place. This usually changes within a few weeks or months. Going through this part of the adjustment process is hard, but it’s important to let this evolve naturally. There are few students indeed who haven’t made good friends at the end of the first year of university.

What to Do :

• Listen to your daughter’s feelings and let her know you sympathize with her loneliness.
• Show that you understand how difficult it is to make new friends.
• Remind her of how she survived the middle-school years, while empathizing with how hard that was for her.
• Suggest that she look into joining a club or activity so that she can meet other students with similar interests.

What to Avoid :

• Suggesting that she have her old high school friends visit the university.
• Letting her know you’re really worried about her.
• Trying to fix it for her by suggesting she come home for weekends more often.

Responsive Programming Activities in Residence:

• Academic programmers are busy organizing study skills, research and time management workshops, as well as stress relief activities.
• Stress kits are distributed on each floor to cheer up those November blues.
• Alcohol awareness programs are conducted.
• Programs focusing on good health, nutrition and adequate sleep time are conducted, and individual sessions with the in-house nutritionist can be arranged at any time.

	Please note that all italicized text throughout this site has been reprinted by permission from St. Martin’s Press. This book can be purchased through Western’s eBookstore. Just click on the book cover to order.
	Copyright © 2000 by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller From: Don't Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller. Reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Press, LLC.

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